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Improving your self-esteem through counseling
Self-esteem affects all areas of our lives. What we think about ourselves impacts how we think, how we interact with others, our habits, our way of resolving problems, and even what we work towards. There are numerous terms surrounding this concept because it is so important, but whether you call it self-esteem, self-image, self-respect, self-worth, or anything else doesn’t matter. What matters is learning to value and respect who you are and what you have to offer the world.
How do I know if I have a negative self-image?
If you are someone who struggles with this, then you know how detrimental it can be. Low self-esteem negatively impacts your thoughts, your mood, and your actions countless times each and every day. You may have specific areas of negative self-image like your appearance, your intelligence, your relationships, or you may feel inadequate in all areas. Most people will find that there negative perceptions fit into one or two categories such as interactions with others, ability to contribute or give back, or perceptions of others outside of interactions. These are some common signs of a low self-image:
You use self-deprecating humor
You sabotage your success at work or in relationships
You have self-destructive habits that you’ve been unable to quit
You down play successes
You feel you need to brag to get recognition
You feel bad about yourself most of the time
You have frequent mood swings
You constantly compare yourself to others
You spend more time than necessary double and triple checking yourself
You feel that you are never good enough
You use alcohol to feel good about yourself in social situations
Your habits around food and alcohol fluctuate based on mood
You second guess your decisions
You feel guilty when you do something for yourself
You say yes when you want to say no
When you are coping with a low self-esteem you will notice that you feel major swings based on external factors. Your mood will fluctuate based on the feedback you get from others. When things are going well in your life, and people are giving you positive reinforcement, you may feel really good, but inevitably when things start to go badly, or someone criticizes you, it’s devastating. You may think of yourself as a high achiever or a perfectionist, but no matter how hard you push yourself or how many successes you have, you still feel like you are not good enough. All of these scenarios are symptoms of a low self-esteem or negative self-image.
What does a healthy self-image look like?
The opposite of a low self-esteem is self-acceptance and self-compassion. That’s what we all want, right? However, identifying a healthy view of ourselves is sometimes harder than noticing the negative. Very few people know what to look for, or even what they are working towards when they decide to improve their own self-esteem. The goal is to feel good about yourself in all areas, to be comfortable with who you are, and be able to maintain that despite external fluctuations. Here are some common signs and feelings associated with a healthy perception of ourselves:
You feel confident around others
You value your weaknesses as much as your strengths
You have compassion for yourself when you make a mistake
You know who you are and what you want
You work to improve yourself without expecting perfection
You hold yourself to your own standards
Other people’s opinions of you don’t impact your own perceptions
You make healthy choices
You surround yourself with positive people
You set positive goals and work towards them
You celebrate your achievements
You are kind to yourself and others
When you have a healthy self-esteem, you will automatically choose what is best for you. Your mood will be mostly stable with fluctuations based on internal factors rather than external. You won’t feel the need to brag or receive validation, but will enjoy celebrating and sharing your happy moments. Other people’s opinions of you will not have a significant impact on how you feel about yourself. You will use your positive and negative experiences as opportunities to learn. Most of all, you will just feel good about yourself the majority of the time.
How do I build my self-esteem?
Improving your self-esteem will take effort and time, but it's worth it. There are several components that need to be addressed when working towards a healthy self-image. We will work together on each of these areas and focus on the specific treatments that are best suited to you. Some of the key components include:
Determining specific areas of negative self-image
Identifying and processing the cause
Identifying and eliminating any linked unhealthy coping mechanisms
Replacing negative thoughts with positive
Replacing negative habits and patterns with positive
Learn healthy decision making and problem solving strategies
Build a lifestyle that supports the real you
Maintain consistent positive reinforcement
Each of these components can be addressed in different ways, and we will work together to find what fits your personality and goals. Treatment for building your healthy self-esteem involves a combination of therapy and self-esteem exercises which you will complete individually. Part of having a healthy self-image is knowing that you are unique and valuable because of all of the facets that make you who you are. So, it’s important to recognize that your road to a healthy perception of yourself needs to be equally unique. Whatever the approach, you are too valuable to keep telling yourself that you are not good enough.